1. The ass crack shorts (Graeme Armour)
(Even worse from behind…)
I'd like to think it doesn’t get much worse than this. I’d like to. But I know it will…
Oh, and they’re $1,3400 ON SALE. They were $2,680.
There are no words.
Unless, of course, you’d care to suggest some?
2. The Fringed Shorts (Bitching & Junkfood)
Looks like someone needs to schedule her bikini wax..
On the plus side: ‘Bitching & Junkfood’ is a great name for a brand.
On the minus side, however… well, it’s pretty much ALL a “minus side”, once you get past the name, no?
3. The Brain Shorts (Comme des Garsons)
Are these really shorts? Even if it were a skirt, it still would have been terrible!!
Oh and it has a jacket to match!!
4. The Lace Jeans
This should just never happen. End of.
I mean lace as leggings or even stockings are fine by mean.. But as jeans??
Well, at least they won’t give you camel toe, like regular leggings, eh?
Unfortunately, that’s the only positive thing we can really say about this unholy alliance between a pair of super-skinny jeans and Madonna’s lace leggings from 1982.
5. The Pink PVC Pants
Apparently Tall & All have some strange ideas about what kind of thing tall people might want to wear. This is just one of them.
Probably best worn with sunglasses so as not to blind yourself, these could be just the job for a Barbie costume. They are not being sold as fancy dress, however. No, these are in the PVC section of the Tall and All website. Yes there is a PVC section. Sadly there isn’t a pink PVC top to complete the ensemble...
6. The Harem Jeans (Boohoo Millie)
Harem jeans are never OK, but these ones look like they were designed for a deformed midget, which makes them particularly “not OK”.
But seriously, folks, can these jeans even be comfortable. I mean, the baggy, diaper-crotch on harem pants is unattractive, yes, but we’re assured that the comfort factor makes up for the aesthetic limitations. Where denim is concerned we’re looking at a far stiffer fabric – more likely, surely to crease into folds and dig in. And the idea of elasticated denim digging in around the ankles? Does NOT appeal ONE BIT!
7. The Hairy Leg Pants
Graeme Armour managed to get two items into our top ten (he designed the gold shorts at the top of the page, too). Er, congratulations, Graeme!
I'm not quite sure what’s worse about these pants: the fact that they look suspiciously like a pair of hairy legs (and not human ones, either) from the front, or the fact that they look like THIS from the back:
So, as you walk towards people, they’ll think you’re half human/half animal, but as you walk AWAY from them, you’ll give them much more information about yourself than they could ever want to know.
And you’ll have paid £824 for the privilege. Wow.
Get them here..
8. The Penguin Trousers
It wouldn’t be a fashion crime roundup without Maison Martin Margiela…
Wear these, and I almost guarantee people will throw fish at you. Of course, you’ll walk funny: a bit like a penguin in fact. But just think of all the fish!
Buy them here...
9. The Kangaroo Sweater
A sweater that doubles as a giant bag. Possibly less useful than it sounds
Aww! A sweater with a pouch in the front, just like a kangaroo’s! Now,won’t that be useful when you want to carry your belongings in a hands-free kinda way?
Seriously, who doesn’t want to have a whole bunch o’crap stuck to their front?
That’s totally the kind of idea I’d pay $1,119 for! Totally!
OK, it really isn’t. If it IS the kind of thing you’d pay that much for, however, click here to buy it from Colette. I guess it could look cute with a kitten peeking out of it. Or a puppy. A monkey, maybe? Am I convincing anyone yet?
10. The Flasher Top
This model hasn’t moved since this photo was taken. Modelling really IS hard, people…
I can only hope that you are supposed to wear something under this top, rather than risk your modesty as the poor girl here is being forced to do. Unsurprisingly this top is still available in every size but a 6 and has been reduced to just £5 (from £25) in the sale.
If you want to buy it (and feel you can style it better than ASOS have done), then you can do so here.
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